Curl Obsession ?

Isn't she gorgeous ???
I love her side fro-hawk kinda thing....but that's not the point.


I was reading a post on the "Black girl long hair" blog where a girl pointed out that people nowadays are far too obsessed with curl pattern, then she asked who agreed with her. Several did, several didn't.
I until then hadn't thought about this issue. At all
For those who don't know what I'm on about, every black girl who's hair is unrelaxed has a curl pattern, usually you'll find this curl pattern for black women ranges between loose jeri curl type curls and kinkier than kinky kinks with barely any type of curls just a lot of "z's" in their hair. 
At the time when I decided to go natural, I wasn't really thinkin' about what my curl pattern would look like, I had hoped at the time it would come out as bouncy, defined curls but then when I saw my mama take out her weave and wash her hair I saw her Z curl pattern and assumed that was what mine would be like too [it was beautiful though, and very soft...bless her and her few grey strands]. I had then decided that if I wanted a curly look in my hair I would just use twist outs or whatever product would help me get more of what some people call "mixed girl curl".
However, once my hair actually started to grow out [pictures/video up soon] I noticed my hair weren't like hers. My hair has loose wavy curls at the front, its more tightly curled at the back but at the sides it might as well be straight and it might as well be more Z-ish like my mama...so I'm dealin' with like 3 different textures. I then noticed that until I had realized what my natural curl pattern was and thought it was gonna be a Z pattern, I immediately started thinking about ways I could define my curls more, give myself some curl pattern and get the mixed girl curl I was looking for; that was my main concern and I completely forget about my love for big kinky fro's in the first place. 
After much deliberation, I decided that the girl who made the comment was right. On youtube I see countless videos of women who will spend up to almost 40 dollars on ONE product to give them some curl pattern then turn around and tell a somebody "Dude, I'll never ever spend so much money on weave ever again pschhhh I'm free from the creamy crack [hair relaxer] burnin' out my money bla bla bla" when at the end of the day, they're spending almost just as much on product to give themselves some curl that they don't have.
What's wrong with kinky hair ? It's ours, we should embrace it. If your hair does not have springy bouncy curls or doesn't curl up the way you want it to then don't force or manipulate your hair too much by spending a crazy amount of money, countless hours and develop "curl envy" because you don't have it. Embrace them Z curls, they're beautiful too ! I went on ONE product haul to find out what works good for my hair, now I know the things I'm probably gonna be using for the rest of my life [unless I come across some of the ones I've been feenin for in the states i.e carols daughter products]. I was mad enough to buy "Kinky curly curling custard" because I was recommended it by a friend however I haven't tried it yet, I want a bit more length first... however I know that unless I have careless money, I won't be buying it again & I'll use something else [probably Ecostyler] as an alternative... you can't beat that price dude.
Another issue that was brought to my attention is that apparently some feel that women who are carrying natural hair feel they are better than women that aren't e.g women that wear weaves, braids, relaxers, texturizes etc etc. This needs to stop.
Being natural is a PERSONAL choice. I have seen some women with relaxed hair that are SO beautiful, I've seen some women carry texturized hair like it's gold. I was in so much danger of falling into this category of "If your hair aint relaxed then your hair aint on point' when it's not even that time of day at all. If a woman chooses to relax her hair then it's her personal decision, no one aint got to push her into it and she shouldn't be looked down on for it either because 99.9% of us who decided to stop using it were all natural before... so shame. That being said, nobody should try push anybody who's trying to go natural into NOT doing it either, discouragement is a big no-no; as said in Bambi "If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all" SIMPLE AS.


That being said...men who are relaxing their hair...please...put it down slowly.


For the record: I don't want to put down women who DO do twist outs, use curling custards, IC's, Buttercreme's and hair puddings to define curl. I'm just saying it shouldn't be done in an overboard manner neither should one feel insecure when they're forced to rock their kinky afro's. Curly hair is beautiful in ALL it's forms. This whole curl seperation 4a 3b 2c whatever nonsense is even the cause of problems in the first place because it further problems. Hair is beautiful as hair is...so sometimes let your hair breath and embrace your bad hair days.

That is all


xoxo


P.s - for those of you out there who say that curly hair is not natural hair...you're not serious.

My blog post set aside for my maker.

For those of you who aren't aware, I'm a christian. I'm in church every sunday, I sing in not one but two choirs, I read my bible every day, I am a big lover of gospel music and I commit just about everything I do to God. This doesn't make me radical, this makes me a woman after God's own heart.
I just wanted to take this time to write this blog post to thank God for how awesome he is, for those of you who are reading this and you aren't christian, or you don't believe in such things therefore don't want to read...by all means don't. I'm not forcing anyone to read this, infact [at the risk of sounding like the hoodrat children you find in places like facepic] the [x] is right there at the top of the page...click it and be on your way if the idea of me speaking about God detests you so much...but otherwise feel free to read.
It's not even like anything spectacular has happened in my life right now, I'm in the same place I was yesterday, at the risk of tomorrow being the worse day of my life...I just want proudly declare how amazing God is just because of who he is... how much he's done for me, the way he's kept me...the way he's helped me find myself more and more each day. It's not even feeling like I'm having this big burst of happiness either, I just finished reading Kanika's blog and her blog post just made me feel this...insane love for God because of where I am, where I'm going and the fact that he's the reason for all of it.
When I think about my life, my WHOLE life, from my family issues to the car accident to the whole of my primary school/high school experience and every other big or small thing that has somehow effected me in life...& then I think about where I am now, I'm in such awe of where he's brought me too.
What inspired me to write this is just me thinking about how much I love myself now, how he showed me how to love myself and showed me how to really be comfortable in who I am, which is something I didn't really know how to do before. I'd thought in such a negative way about myself all my life, never ever thought I could become anything and after the accident left me looking like a gremlin between the ages of 7 to 17 I didn't even know how to call myself pretty. I never ever aimed for anything that I felt I couldn't reach and I gave up at the first sign of a challenge...this just became who I was and became fixed into my mind for the longest time, I called myself "average" for years and everybody who knew me knew this is what I thought of myself.
Even when I fell in love, my perceptions about myself didn't change. People around me would always tell me what they felt but of course as you all know change starts in the mind and I wasn't allowing myself to change....I almost felt guilty if I ever allowed myself to think well of who I was or how I looked so I stayed negative. I'd also for a long time had the perception that when you fall in love with someone they need to come and "complete" you when this is not the case. So in late 2007 I laid pretty much all of who I was on one soul who didn't even know how to handle their own properly...at the time I didn't know this, not the real depths of it until the middle of '08 and even when it did begin to show I didn't care because I thought we could "fix each other" but how can you try and fix somebody when you're broken yourself ? Who I was was a complete mess. I was deeply insecure, depressed for many reasons one of them being I didn't know what I wanted for my life, my LACK of a life, realizing I was slowly loosing who I formerly knew as myself and I had absolutely nothing going for me; I hated my course at college but was in denial about hating it plus the fact that apart from college I weren't really doing anything else. I didn't go out, I slowly started to care less and less about the things I'd cared about before and the only thing which I really did care about [the guy I was emotionally involved with at the time] was slyly one of the reasons why I had no peace of mind but I wasn't sure why so I held on.


Sidebar: Remember, I was tryin' to help "fix" him therefore I didn't want to let go of him. Everything I thought about was him, his issues, how I could help him out, what was going on etc...completely forgetting about how to care about myself in the process.


When he eventually left, I had nothing left because he was the only thing I'd really cared about for the past year and a half that I'd known him, so when he left he took with him my peace of mind, who I was and my insecurity dove even deeper...that was when I got depressed and learned that I literally had to start again by finding myself, finding who I am and learning to love and accept who I am. Believe me, this is an ongoing process, but ever since I started mine God has been the hand holding me through everything. He's the person that eased my wounds and gave me the compassionate heart to even thinking about forgiving the dude who left and managed to show me how to seperate being IN love with them and still loving them. He's the one who fixed it up that somehow my vocal coach started teaching me again, he gave me a piano for free so it was there and ready for me when I started to learn how to play [long story] but most of all he started to show me I was beautiful without nobody even telling me. Of course, you get the odd man here and there tellin' you you're gorgeous and what not, but that not nor has it ever shook me so all such comments counted as irrelevant...plus it's not what people say that should determin whether you think you're beautiful [not only because people are jam foolish & lyin' all the time] a woman should know she's beautiful in her own right and in her own way.
I started to learn how to love who I am, how to accept who I am and to really bask in your beautifulness, this is something I think every woman needs to learn how to do...I'm not sayin' go around thinkin' your too nice no....NO. Don't EVER do that. But a lady needs to know her worth as a woman, know the things about her that make her unique and get comfortable in it.
But I digress.
I remember when we were first going into 2010 I cried. I cried because 2009 had been such a horrible year and such a fight for me, when really 2009 was in it's own way one of the best years of my life because the amount of growth that passed through my body in 2009 has given me so much wisdom. Sure it hurt, sure at least once a month I cried and definitely had to deal with relapses...but I stand so much stronger now because of it. This year so far, not everything I want to happen may not have happened yet, but I know it will when it's supposed to and I'm well on my way.
From being a woman who was insecure, naive, didn't put myself first, had no real goals or values about life or herself; I'm now a young woman who's very comfortable in her own skin, knows her worth, will always put herself first and am working towards my goals so hard, going back to my first love [music] played a big part in shaping who I am because it also broke me, humility is key when it comes to chasing your dreams or else your lost. I'm determined more than ever to tick off every goal I've set for myself. 
I know the type of woman I am, I know the type of woman I want to be and I know what I want out of life. 
Again, I wanna thank God for being at the forefront of all of this, for all the times he's had to tell me about myself for my own stupidity, all the times he's silently corrected me when I've done something I know I shouldn't have...and for each time he's reminded me that even though I've been feeling at my worst I am still a diamond.
The fact that he orders my steps, the fact that he reminds me all my trauma's are gonna work together for his good, the fact that I can find myself in his word...he's just too much. He's given me so many ephiphany's in the past 6 months, I can't let them go un-aired. 
 For those who actually did read this to the end remember:
With God, you most definitely can believe, achieve and then begin to RECIEVE. He is love for real and he's been the smile on my face on my darkest days. 
He's bringing me my perfect peace and I'm more than ever clinging onto the necessary.
I love you more and more each day, for every hurt, every tear I shed, everytime I feel like giving up...because I know where I am, I know where I'm going.




xoxo

Goals.

Meet Leah Smith:





Her song "Beautifully Made" excites my spirit. Her tone, the technique in which she uses her voice and the strength behind her lyrics all give me something to look forward to when I pick up my own pen.


Also meet Lydia Paek:





She's not an established artist, I only know her due to videos on youtube, but damn...my girl has got it goin' on. Her voice and technique are nothing short of brilliant, she knows her style and she knows how to use it well. I love it.


Lately, discouragement has been my biggest problem, and it's been overall these two ladies who have made me want to get better each time I listen to them sing. 
They make me want to touch my dreams more than ever. I've been doubting myself a lot lately, whether I can really do this and whether what I'm reaching for is for me simply because there's so many kinds of different talent out there and so many big voices, so I struggle to find where a voice like mine would fit...but I'm slowly gaining some perspective and direction.


It's time for me to stop shrinking back everytime a hurdle comes and tackle it head on.





Leah Smith - Beautifully made.





Lydia Paek - Turn your lights down low (cover)
See more of her stuff on www.youtube.com/JUUKKES


xoxo

A random word of advice.

To all my ladies out there...
If you ever come across a man who says to you the following lines:


"I don't deserve you" - [NOT "How did I get so lucky", that's different.]
"I don't wanna hurt you/ I'm scared I'll hurt you"
"You're too good for me"


FLEE.
FLEE like you've never FLED in your LIFE.
I'm being serious as hell !! Experience has taught me and I've learned from too many that when a man says that, he genuinely means it and there is a 9 out of 10 chance that by the end of the "love story" your gonna be left crushed. It's either said man is a pathological liar, he's cheating, he has a history of cheating, he doesn't really know himself and needs to get to know himself...I dunno...but it always means something is definitely wrong. He's crying out for something and you need to listen and find out what that something is because there is a deep underlying PROBLEM for you and for him.
Sometimes the man can tell you what that problem is, sometimes he can't in which case he needs to search/check himself, you can help him do so, but I would advise you to do it from the "friend" bench otherwise you'll end up gettin' cut up on the inside and trust me it's not even that time of day.
Sometimes however, the man will also tell you this because he needs you, he needs you to help him sort out his damn self & in such cases whatever it is he needs you to do for him emotionally/mentally you need to do without loosing your peace of mind in the process. 


Being there for somebody...loving them more than you love yourself, it's not an easy job, so if you're just about ready to pass your heart over and you hear those words, hold up the red light & find out the ways in which your honey man needs to fix up.
That is all.


xoxo

I tumble over.

Tumblrrrr had to eventually get some love too.


www.natureal-music.tumblr.com


<3

Do you REALLY care what skin tone they are ?

Again, another conversation quite nicely provoked this blog post, I went on a full blown rant by the end of it, so I was encouraged to blog about it.
Now...I have quite a few things I wanna bring up under the topic of "interracial dating". Anyone who knows me knows I've always been a fan, I think it's beautiful when you see people of completely different races walking hand in hand, not just the typical "black male, white female" couple but "black female, asian male" type couples, they bring big smiles to my face; however in the ignorance of today's society not everyone feels the same, so I have a few things I wanna touch up on whilst making my point known.


1. The "Darkskin VS Lightskin" topics.
I cannot believe...in all honesty how long this stupidity has been going on for, the question I always find myself asking is "No but seriously doe WHO CARES ?!" because I know for a damn fact that I don't. Light skinned or dark skinned at the end of the day it's SKIN TONE, to say "Light skinned people look better than dark skinned people" and vice versa is absolute madness ! Not only is it over generalizing but it's just pure foolishness. Have you seen ever light skinned/dark skinned person in the world out there to make an assumption like that ? HELL NO so what's the DEAL ? honestly I'm so BAFFLED sometimes when I see trending topics on twitter talkin about such stupidness, bare debates on facebook, bare debates in college about "Has light skin gone out of fashion ?" WDF ?! How can you even begin to say that ? Since when is it fashionable to be a certain skin colour ?! Look yeah...at the end of the day NO ONE CARES. I have come across some of the most BEAUTIFUL dark skinned AND light skinned individuals, in my state of CORRECT thinking I will never over generalize and say one tone looks better than the other because it's so damn fool, skin tones are beautiful and different for a reason. Get off that rubbish it's 2010.


Sidebar: All such individuals who think they're hot cakes BECAUSE they're a certain skin tone are not excused either. I sit back in awe when I hear girls/boys talking about how they know they can get any guy they like because of their skin tone...seriously ? Shut up, sit down, close your mouth then go home. Such ignorance is needed here...bare foolishness.


2. Preference and ignorance shouldn't be in the same sentence.
It's okay to have preference, I have more than once on this blog expressed that. To say that you prefer a certain race/ look over another is fine, but when you then become ignorant about said preference is when there's a problem. Comments like "Sorry I couldn't ever be with someone who weren't dark skinned choc'lit scrumdillyumptiousness" is mad... I've heard a girl utter those exact words and then a year later her mouth was shut NICELY when she found herself chasing after some vietnamese boy in her college. You can't be ignorant. Beauty/good looks doesn't fall under ONE category, you get good looking people in all races and you have to acknowledge that, you can't shun a girl/man who's absolutely breath taking in the looks department AND their personality is on P just because they aren't your first choice of preference in race, it's ridiculous and it's stupidity like that that'll stop you from ever finding real happiness. Stereotypes and over generalizing don't belong in the mind, so get rid of it and keep the mind open to new possibilities. 


3. Mindset.
Keep your mindset fresh, I've said this from day one. If you're broken, fix yourself...yes fix yourself. Seek help where you need it [Church/The counsellors office/Rehab] re-evaluate yourself and know what you want. Oh, while you're doing so also weigh up the things that matter and the things that don't matter. Whether or not a girl's ass/breast is big enough, whether her hair is long enough or whether she's thick or tall/short won't make you happy when push comes to shove, skin colour let alone looks won't be the thing bringing you true happiness at the end of the day, yeah sure your wife/husband will be eye candy but we all know that that isn't enough. I've always said that the best looking person isn't necessarily going to be the one to love you the best, if a woman/man loves you for who you are, satisfies your needs, can hold it down for you for the rest of your days, supports you and your dreams/compliments your dreams,be all you could ever need, your best friend AND partner in crime, then what more is it that you're lookin' for ? I aint sayin' go marry a woman/man that looks like Nanny Mcphee/Shrek and disregard physical attraction completely...but it's not the most important thing. If a person can really be all you've ever needed and satisfy your mind, heart, body and soul for the rest of your days then what else do you WANT ? If you turn down such a person because they don't seem to meet your supposed "criteria" in the looks department or they're not a certain race then shame on you, SHAME I tell you.




I've always loved my hispanics, my asians, my liteys, my whites and any others among lovin' choc'lit men. I'll never discriminate on the type of man I want to be with just because of his skin colour, you really don't get to experience a nice slice out of life if you do. I'm lookin' for a man that can love me in the way that I need to be loved and I know his skin tone aint gonna hinder that...all stereotypes and hear-say out the door, I know what I want, I know what I prefer but I'm not limited to my preferences at all.


To all of you who are reading this, what say you about interracial dating/ the issue of the light skinned/dark skinned debate ?


I have a lot of friends who disagree with me on certain areas of these issues, we're all allowed to have an opinion...but no ignorance...ignorance gets airtime.


xoxo