My christmas wishlist

I saw a status that made me laugh on my facebook about what they want for Christmas, so for kicks I decided to write my own list [ don't laugh ]:

1. An iPhone, I had the opportunity to buy this last year, I don't know what possessed me to NOT get it. The new one just looks so beautiful, mines, I want
2. New glasses. As crazy as it may sound I want the proper big neeky glasses, just cause they're different lol
3. New Pj's
4. A big teddy bear, I've wanted one since I was like 16
5. A pair of Gladiator heels [ Now, don't get me wrong. Me wearing heels is a RARE cosmic event, however I love the look of them & I will throw them on for special occasions ]
6. Yes, another notebook
7. Heroes, Supernatural AND 24 box set's
8. Moneys please tanx
9. Flat shoes in every colour
10. Nail polish in every colour [ HA ! Like I paint my nails on the regular. Still. Would be good to have ]
11. Cook book please !
12. Studs in every colour
13. New iPod. Preferably the iPod touch :o)
14. A new sketchbook ? Maybe ?
15. All the CS3 series
16. A book, any book, that can jump start me into learning guitar until I've got time for lessons
17. A wheat bag [ don't ask ]
18. Big earphones
19. Pretty pens.
20. Socks. Yes I said socks. I don't like walking around my halls barefoot

xoxo

Progress.

This is my darling that sits in my mama's house. I had to take a picture of this beauty the other day because she & I were having such good times.

I composed the first part to "Fix me" on friday. It was a bit of a challenge and it took a while but I did it. Hope helped me by dropping the main chords for the chorus and helpin' me come up with a consistant melody, but it was my job to come up with the first verse and the bridge.

I felt really proud of myself because I was able to do so, in only the space of 2 months I'm already able to read music & play songs, it was one of my biggest achievements to be able to play one of my favourite songs "Love song" by Sara Bareilles, so now the fact that I'm actually growing more and being able to compose makes my heart...swell lol. Even though the chords are a lil basic at the moment, it's still progress right ? I've only been at this for 2 months & I think I'm doing pretty damn well, all by God's grace.

I'm unfortunately sick again, plus under a hell of a lot of pressure because of my coursework load & my choice of which choir I want to join and where I'm gonna stay grounded and where I'm gonna officially start my degree etc etc...it's all a lil much at the moment but I don't doubt that I'll end up where I'm supposed to be.

However, it's 3am in the morning, I'm procrastinating watching super nanny & drinking aero hot chocolate (yum =] ), I really do need to start some experiments.

I'll try & see if I could drop a blog tomorrow, but before I do I wanna leave by saying something that has been pressed onto me in the past...3 days or so ?

Grudges aren't nor will they ever be worth it, it's important to let go. When you hold onto things that someone did for you, use them as excuses and drag them out no one is loosing out except you ? I'm not saying this like it's easy, I know how tough it is, but make it a goal, make it a mindset not to keep grudges especially when it's unnecessary. This does NOT mean forgive anybody that's ever wronged them and then begin to build a relationship with them again so they can come & hurt you again after. No. This means forgive & let it go...that's it.

Ok I'm done.

xoxo

Early morning blues

*Frowns*

Morning all, I'm up extra early to finish my coursework...I should've been up earlier [ 5:00am actually ] but I couldn't do it, I couldn't bring myself to wake up at that ridiculous time especially since I fell asleep at 1:00am...so now I'm up at 8:00am & i'm feeling weird...I'm not used to it...waking up earlier than necessary is not the one :o(

Anyway. I thought I'd write a blog quickly before I get started on my work [ or do anything else for that matter ] about patience which is something I've noticed I'm severely lacking, it seems that the time you need it most is when it becomes the most annoying factor in your life ; to have to wait...and wait...and wait...while sometimes not even knowing what exactly you're waiting for. Unfortunately you need patience for everything. You need to be patient about your goals, you need to be patient about your healing, you need to be patient when your waiting in line to get that Chicken bake from Greggs when your damn starving & the queue is a mile long because it's lunch time *breathes in*...you need to wait for everything ! but my notion is that anything that's worth it takes time, so as long as your not wasting your time on something or someone who's not worth it then you're good to go.

It's really important that as people we spend our time properly, time is precious & we don't have a lot of it, so we need to spend it on the right things especially since most of the things we wait for are out of our hands...I mean... we can't exactly speed up our success so that we suddenly get what we want faster ? we can't exactly fast forward time so that that right person walks into our life before we're ready can we ? & more importantly we can't make people that are slow do what we want ; what we need to do in that time of patience is we need to invest.

For example, a lot of people get really impatient when it comes to gettin' married or being with someone, they don't wanna wait to find that right person so they jump ahead of themselves & then they end up settling or being with someone that aint right for them when if they had just waited a little longer the right person would've come their way. Hell singleness is a blessing, in the time when you're single and you're waitin' on that time of singleness to come to an end you need to be patient & invest that time in yourself. Grow as a person, learn more things about yourself, do the things you've always wanted to do & do the necessary to achieve your goals, really spend time on yourself & more importantly recognize what you want out of the next relationship to come so you don't end up wasting your time.

Even in things like makin' money, I know a lot of dudes who get impatient and then go about it in the wrong way, what's wrong with waiting & then strategizing properly ? If you have dreams invest properly in your time so it's easier for you to reach them, for example don't sit there and be like " I wanna play basketball professionally" yet you're sittin' at home on your ass all day, not making attempts to train or join a team or anything that's necessary for you to get there then start complaining when the dream aint happening...you're just wasting your time & more importantly my time because I'm sitting there having to listen to you complain when I could be doing something ELSE.

Patience is something we all have to deal with, and it does get hard let me not lie, especially since I lack so much of it, but it takes time. Biggest time waster is people who'll ask me for advice, I give it to them [ after hours of listening to their life story & then spending another 30mins to give them the solution ], then 5mins later they go and do the OPPOSITE of what I said then come back later to complain about the situation, I get so pissed off & 99% of the time I give up, but I guess if everyone was like me then everyone would be givin' up on everybody.

The essense of this blog is just a reminder to me & I guess anyone else who's readin this that there's nothing wrong with a lil' patience, just make sure you're investing your time properly.

xoxo

"Friends"

Hello all, I'm back so long as I have space :o)

My life's been a madness since I last sat down to properly blog on here, who knew my foundation year would be so intense ? I've really had to get myself together and prioritize so this barely leaves me with any time for myself, however when I do find time for myself I'm found writing, practising the piano or just being.

I'm involved in a lot of stuff this year so I'm always busy, but in the midst of my busy-ness I have been able to stop...and stare, this meaning taking the time to sit down and actually evaluate my life and those around me. In these times theres always something new I'm learning or finding.

Honestly speaking, a lot of my "friends" have dropped from my life like flies, is this a bad thing ? no not really, you need to shed off the unnecessary and categorize your friends...it took me a while to learn that not every friend you have is necessarily going to be good for you, you need to realize who fits where and until you notice this your actually quite pissed.

You have your first set of friends, which are never usually more than 1 or 2 people, I call it best friends, others call it blood..whatever you choose to call it. These are the people who'll stick with you no matter what, who'll stand by you no matter what stupid thing you did yesterday or the foolish thing you said the day before. They'll standardly get in your face and tell you when your acting like a moron for the sole purpose that they care about you...simply put when you mess up they'll still be there. If you have even one of these types of people in your life consider yourself more than blessed.

The second set of friends are the fake ones. With these types all you need is ONE common ground with them, be it the interest in a male/female, the fact that you both like to go out raving, an ex, a particular person your pretending to like but you really can't stand them...anything...that one common ground is enough for a purpose to be in your life and stick with you like they're one of your best friends when the reality is that one common ground is the only reason why you are friends and once it's gone you have no real reason to even be around that person. A lot of people get confused and think these type of people are gonna be around for life because they "click" [ we've all fallen into this category at some point in our lives ] but once the common ground dies out & you go your seperate ways you end up heartbroken thinking you've lost a true friend, when they were never a true friend to begin with. Recognise this type of friend and keep them at your fingertips.

The third type of friends are the mood killers...well that's what I call them anyway. Them ones that every time you talk to them your mood is swayed [ mostly in a bad direction ], they don't even have to say anything, just the way their facial expression is set about something you're talking about is enough to put you off. They don't like what you like but they'll dislike what you dislike and you may think this is enough of a reason to keep them around...but it's really not. They're self absorbed, uncompassionate and their heads are so far gone up their backside they can't tell left from right let alone be a proper friend to you. They'll either keep you as a friend so they can make themselves look and feel better or they're using you until someone else comes along that they can ditch you for...so the only reason they ever started talking to you was to see what they could get out of you, not so you could benefit anything from them. Simply put friends like these deserve airtime.

Then of course, you get the haters, who'll smile in your face but behind your back it's a different story...you're always gonna have these, don't be surprised, the only way you can effectively deal with them without hurting yourself is to shake it off and go about your business, remember, they're the one loosing sleep over YOUR success, so don't get hurt when you hear someone who's supposed to be your friend has been talking about you behind your back, it's usually because they're the ones with the problem.

Then finally, you have the ones who are "just there". These are the type that if you decided to become dead to the world for a few days and suddenly come back they wouldn't even know you had gone. They aren't really in your life for any reason of significance, they just add to the number of unnecessary friends that you don't need. Everytime you friendship detox, at least two of these types of friends need to go.

I felt the need to write this because I recently realised how so very blessed I am to have some of the people I have in my life be there, for every bad friend you have another good friend can replace, so don't ever feel like your loosing out when you loose a friend who was never really good to you. It took me a while to learn this & it took a lot of pain before the message really settled in, it's a message not everyone is willing to comprehend but it needs to be said, as people we all need each other but your never ever going to need anyone who isn't good for you.

xoxo

Gosh man...

The way I've been absent from this place is terrible ! My bad.

My facebook addiction is flaring back up again... need to stop that.

I've had uni, I've had workshops, I've been ill, I've had drama on Halls, I've had issues, I've been eating way too much junk food...ok no seriously...

I'll try & start droppin' blogs a bit more frequently again if I can, I actually do have proper stuff to write about...I swear, but already coursework is breakin' my back & I'm gettin' a little run down just trying to organize myself, but I will most deff get back on track.

I have a few things to get off my chest anyways.

xoxo

Open Book.

Is it possible for me to put down the book without real end ?

The last chapter in the book still left unread

Or is there more to the story ? A part 2 or 3 ?

Too scared to look, too impatient to wait and see

Trust isn't something so freely given

Yet I'm lost in words & lies, told & written

Sitting in the centre of the world of make believe

Flipping through pages in hopes I can achieve...

The kind of fairy tale that I've always dreamed

Writing the definition of love, changing it, so it seemed

Eyes flying across the words of the story that you wrote

Becomming all too familiar with your lines & quotes

If it's possible to rewrite the book believe me I would

Change it so that it's for MY greater good

But the book's already written, the book without real end

The last chapter still very much left unread

- Pookie.

I wrote this pretty early this year, although a lot of you may not know what the hell I'm on about, it may be all over the place and there's no constant flow; the words and meaning behind it have great significance to me so I thought I'd post it up here. When I wrote it I was crying, an emotional wreck and had no sense of direction, so now reading it back I realize just how far I've come from that place. The closure I was so greatly seeking when I wrote this I no longer need nor do I want it,I realize that I did manage to rewrite the end of the book & the book just as it is all DID work for my greater good. I've grown.

xoxo

Moved out.

Okay..okay. It's been a million years since I last blogged about anything, don't get me wrong I've meant to...I've got like 3 blogs waiting to be published that I haven't been able to finish.
It's just the past couple of weeks have been so overly busy.
First off, I moved into my halls of residence this week in Elly & Castle. My first impressions weren't good, I was lonely, hungry, PMSing & tired as hell cause I hadn't slept the night before. Plus I didn't know anyone, I had met one Tenant [ Cassie ] & she seemed alright [pics soon come] but that didn't take away from the fact that I felt so awkward & homesick. No tv, no food [ ok...I had food but there was no proper seasoning & for me I'd rather not eat than eat food thats dry as hell ], no internet, no nothing...so my first thought was, "what the hell am I doing here again?".
It's now been like...2 days ? & I've settled in a whole lot better, I've met & jammed with a couple more people from my floor & the floors up & downstairs, they aint really what I'm used to but they're really nice people; we went out yesterday night lol... very interesting night, but that's a story for another day.

I'll upload pics soon...when I have the time. I'm going home today just to spend some time with the fam...I really surprisingly do miss them a hell of a lot <3 one train away seems too far lol & also of course...my piano *love heart sign* I never thought I'd fall in love with it as much as I have...*sniffs*...just proof that in my 2nd year I'll have to get a place of my own so I can buy one to practice on a regular.
I'm now in a choir too...sorta...i'll explain later lol.

xoxo