Gosh man...

The way I've been absent from this place is terrible ! My bad.

My facebook addiction is flaring back up again... need to stop that.

I've had uni, I've had workshops, I've been ill, I've had drama on Halls, I've had issues, I've been eating way too much junk food...ok no seriously...

I'll try & start droppin' blogs a bit more frequently again if I can, I actually do have proper stuff to write about...I swear, but already coursework is breakin' my back & I'm gettin' a little run down just trying to organize myself, but I will most deff get back on track.

I have a few things to get off my chest anyways.

xoxo

Open Book.

Is it possible for me to put down the book without real end ?

The last chapter in the book still left unread

Or is there more to the story ? A part 2 or 3 ?

Too scared to look, too impatient to wait and see

Trust isn't something so freely given

Yet I'm lost in words & lies, told & written

Sitting in the centre of the world of make believe

Flipping through pages in hopes I can achieve...

The kind of fairy tale that I've always dreamed

Writing the definition of love, changing it, so it seemed

Eyes flying across the words of the story that you wrote

Becomming all too familiar with your lines & quotes

If it's possible to rewrite the book believe me I would

Change it so that it's for MY greater good

But the book's already written, the book without real end

The last chapter still very much left unread

- Pookie.

I wrote this pretty early this year, although a lot of you may not know what the hell I'm on about, it may be all over the place and there's no constant flow; the words and meaning behind it have great significance to me so I thought I'd post it up here. When I wrote it I was crying, an emotional wreck and had no sense of direction, so now reading it back I realize just how far I've come from that place. The closure I was so greatly seeking when I wrote this I no longer need nor do I want it,I realize that I did manage to rewrite the end of the book & the book just as it is all DID work for my greater good. I've grown.

xoxo

Moved out.

Okay..okay. It's been a million years since I last blogged about anything, don't get me wrong I've meant to...I've got like 3 blogs waiting to be published that I haven't been able to finish.
It's just the past couple of weeks have been so overly busy.
First off, I moved into my halls of residence this week in Elly & Castle. My first impressions weren't good, I was lonely, hungry, PMSing & tired as hell cause I hadn't slept the night before. Plus I didn't know anyone, I had met one Tenant [ Cassie ] & she seemed alright [pics soon come] but that didn't take away from the fact that I felt so awkward & homesick. No tv, no food [ ok...I had food but there was no proper seasoning & for me I'd rather not eat than eat food thats dry as hell ], no internet, no nothing...so my first thought was, "what the hell am I doing here again?".
It's now been like...2 days ? & I've settled in a whole lot better, I've met & jammed with a couple more people from my floor & the floors up & downstairs, they aint really what I'm used to but they're really nice people; we went out yesterday night lol... very interesting night, but that's a story for another day.

I'll upload pics soon...when I have the time. I'm going home today just to spend some time with the fam...I really surprisingly do miss them a hell of a lot <3 one train away seems too far lol & also of course...my piano *love heart sign* I never thought I'd fall in love with it as much as I have...*sniffs*...just proof that in my 2nd year I'll have to get a place of my own so I can buy one to practice on a regular.
I'm now in a choir too...sorta...i'll explain later lol.

xoxo

Is love really THAT blind ?

This picture just says it all, in the sense that sometimes...we're the ones blinding ourselves.

Everyone likes the feeling of love, being in love.
The good morning texts.
The "I just wanted to let you know how much I miss you" emails/inboxes.
The snuggle times.
The kisses.
The feeling of knowing someone feels the same way about you that you do them.

But no one thinks about the consequences.

The consequences that the person you're falling for just may not be worth the love that you're giving to them.
Being mentally/physically abused, having the foundations of your peace of mind shaken, loosing who you are & your life, the risk of your whole being becoming about that person then the relationship becomes unhealthy.
Why ?
Because we're not smart.
I know so many girls who are so in love with the idea of falling in love, they're willing to dive into anything no matter how painful it is just so they can experience it. They obviously have no idea what they're on about... but for those of us who have been in love before, isn't it really worth it to just take things that bit slower ?
Rushing as I've learned only ever leads to hurt you could've avoided if you were smarter, I mean, what's wrong with spending a little more time with each other just as friends ? [ I almost said "mate"...oh my daze @_@ ] without all the messy stuff like sex & feelings & time limits, why not take it that little bit slower to really KNOW the person you're about to give your heart too. It's not about "longin it" as some people like to call it, it's about taking the time to really get to know someone, before you willingly give up your peace of mind & wholeness of heart to someone else to keep.

I recently made up my mind that if a guy is ever in the picture, it would have to be a month + before I even make up my mind that I like them as a FRIEND let alone start to allow myself to have feelings for them, because if that aint the case you get idiots tellin you after 1 week how much they like you, how great they supposedly think you are & all this other foolishness that belongs in the bin. The purer the foundations the better.
Although...people say there is the problem of when you have a good friendship with someone & you get into a relationship with that person, if you break up with them there's a strong chance that it'll be harder to salvage the friendship after. Sometimes it is but sometimes it isn't. People make the mistake of not giving each other space after they break up, when I say space I mean REAL space, space enough so they can think about their ex being with someone else & it's practically no skin off their nose, that's when they know they're ready enough to start their friendship again from the top.
Trust me when I say I'm ready to take things as slow as possible out here, cause that guy who is the truth WILL stand the test of time.
It's better to be smart about these things than to wrecklessly go in & by the end of it be several pieces of your heart short because some looser still has bits of it in his pocket.

xoxo

*Yawns* Just a quick update.

I'm so jealous.
I've had the longest weekend, I've had barely any rest the whole week so I really just wanna collapse into my bed [its got that fresh bed sheet feelin` goin on too] & let sleep drown me.
However I can't.
Cause I'm being forced to watch final destination 3.
So I though before I konk out let me drop a blog.
Ahem.
It's been a really long week too...but thankfully this week has all been about personal growth for me. I've been spending a lot of time in the kitchen cooking [ I was surprised to learn that I actually am a good cook] & I baked cookies on friday with Cindy. I made them by 5:00pm & by the time I got back downstairs by 7:00pm my family had demolished them. I was too proud of myself to get irri over it, hell, I thought I'd bun cookies if I ever baked them on my own but I didn't & u knowwwww this maynnnnnnnnnn.

Also, my Piano & music theory is getting a hell of a lot better :o). In terms of my vocals ...erm...confidence & creativity is my biggest problem right now. I can adlib & sing all I want on my own, but once I get up infront of a croud I freeze up [as proved last week thursday...I'd rather not talk about it thanks]. It was some seriously emotional times, I cried after & Cindy and my vocal coach scolded me like never before...it's not like I were seriously singing in a concert, I was ministering in a church & I got waaay more nervous than I should have allowed myself to cause I weren't prepared, plus I'd let a bad comment get to my head & shattered my confidence.
However, I ministered again last night to my own church & it went a hell of a lot better...I was still nervous as hell but I handled it better. I guess this is just another hurdle I have to overcome & I know with time I will. In terms of the song I'm writing I unfortunately haven't been paying as much attention to it as I should have been, so I plan to use the next couple of days to really get some stuff down.

Plus, I move out next sunday. Am I shittin' bricks ? Hell yes. I have NO idea what's in store for me in terms of who I'm living with and the experience life is about to throw at me. I don't know anyone in the uni, I don't have any idea where to even start...& I'm spending so much money this year which is KILLING me...I hope it's all worth it.


xoxo

A lot of love for...

Sara Bareilles <3

A lot of people may not see it, but her lyrics & music are a stroke of pure genius.
The definition of original, n even though this song sounds like somethin` you'd hear on an advert I love the meaning behind it.
Her album = G.O.A.T.



xoxo

Always be.

"I don't wanna hear "I'll be your superman" cause we both know that you can't fly...all the same..I'll accept you takin` the train to come & save me".
- Pookie.

My lil` quote there is me simply expressing the importance of being yourself...so you get the real gist of what you're dealing with.
Why quack like a duck when you're a dog ?
If you know you're ONLY Clark Kent, then tell me, n' take the train/bus to come & find me...I'll still appreciate that you came.
Allow me, I'm having a random moment, blame late night music.

xoxo